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CAR PRANKS
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10,000 JOKES
CONTENTS
A-L
CONTENTS
L-Z
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Nervous New Priest
The new priest was so nervous at his first mass,
that he could hardly speak.
Before his second appearance in the pulpit, he asked the
monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor said "next Sunday it may
help you if you put some vodka in the water picture and after a few
sips everything will go smoothly."
The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion into action and
was able to talk up a storm! He felt great! However, upon returning
to the rectory he found a note from the Monsignor:
| 1. Next time sip rather than gulp. |
| 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. |
| 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. |
| 4. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." |
| 5. The recommended grace before a meal is not
Rub-a-Dub -Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God!" |
| 6. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s**t
out of him. |
| 7. Do not refer to our Savior Jesus and the
Apostles, as "J.C. and the boys." |
| 8. The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are NEVER
referred to as "Big Daddy, Junior and the spook." |
| 9. It is always the "Virgin Mary" never "Mary
with a Cherry." |
| 10. Last, but not least, next week there will be
a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a peter
pulling contest at St. Taffies. |
| 11. We don't refer to Judas as "El Finko." |
| 12. Moses parted the water at the Red Sea, he
didn't pass water. |
| 13. The Pope is consecrated not castrated and we
don't call him "Godfather." |
| 14. When Jesus broke bread at the Last Supper he
said, "Take this. Eat it, for it is my body." He
didn't say, "Eat me." |
| 15. David was hit by a rock and knocked off his
donkey, he wasn't "stoned off his ass." |
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DREAM HOST WEB HOSTING
BAR JOKE
A drunk orders himself a
beer
A man walks into the front
door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the
bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the
bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that
he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served
additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for
him.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles,
climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front
door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side
door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a
drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but
more firmly refuses service to the man due to his
inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for
him.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily,
curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while
grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the
back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool,
gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man
that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and
either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless
anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at? |
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